Anxiety-Away!

Church today. Though when I went into the church and started talking to familiar faces, anxiety went away...thank god!

Back Jack

Feeling like crap because I hurt my back in the pool yesterday.

I remember when I was 15 or 16 I would hurt myself like that and walk it off and not even care the next day....oh how times change

Cul-De-Sac Unt Whittier

-didn't you read the book? -thing's fall apart.
I need to slow down.

so i got a invite to my friend's marriage reception majigg.
i am going to this alone...as one would think.

i'm not sure what to make of everything. and you might be thinking "why do you need to 'make something' of life at any point."
my life at all times needs to makes sense to me for whatever reason. not that there will be consequences if it doesn't... but i will attempt to do everything in my power to  make it so it does make sense.
_________________________________________________________________

What's your motivation?

i need to shave.

i have no idea what to write, so i am going to end it here.

Drunk

In LA, drunk...so I'll make this short. 

I don't understand why people don't want to talk to me when I'm drunk. Drunk people  can very interesting,

What?! They closed the 5  fwy?!

FEED BANDS

Today I was home for a good portion of the day, just staying busy around the house. I got some new wax (vinyl) in the mail which was from a band named "the vliets" -special pressing and what-not.

i was part of this thing on this company (which you have probably at least heard of if not seen a banner on the side of whatever site you were visiting.) it's called "FEED BANDS"
you pay $20.00 a month and they send you a first pressing of an unsigned band. 
they offer The First Album Is Free, which i took them up on, in which i got my first album in the main (in which it isn't Actually free. you still pay shipping and handling.) 
but I am actually very pleased with the record and i will be subscribing to them soon.

check the website out, it's a bit pricey, but great if you love vinyl and new randomly chosen music.

Father.

Today was Father's day. a day that my dad is never too bothered about. but we end up doing something anyway because it is almost sad and pathetic if we don't.
My family and I ended up going to an indian place to eat Lunch, which was not bad at all. then we went to Costco...which I did not like. altogether, 
i do not like that store, I am not sure why.
afterwards we went home and i took a short nap, and since we didn't have anything else planned for the day I headed down to The Cause, because the church was putting on monthly meetings under the name of "tribe- Native Summer" which is actually great. (i'll get into detail about what Tribe is another time.
one of these days i'll write more than just a few lines on a blog entry...that day it not today.

AW On Writing...

I would like to say that i am stuck in a rut with what I am writing.
I seriously DO NOT know where to go with the characters at the end, or the ending at all.
I have full written stories from High School that i finished with "Good" endings, but those were scribbled on  lined paper when i was much younger.
I would like to think that my writing style has somewhat changed for the better, but i suppose i'd have to ask other people that.
what is ACTUALLY interesting to me is that I am whining about a story that i can't tell you anything about until it's done...

Live

there are a few fonts to choose on this blog, and that's about it. not that it matters....at all... but i'd rather write in Futura, or whatever it's called.
when i am at home (despite the fact that i have a  job that takes up most of tuesday and thursday) which is most of the time, i bother other people online. not like a court order for me to stay away from them or anything...well...who knows.

I think I just miss having friends there all the time.
but before was too much crap had gone down for me to try to mend things, now too much time has gone by, so i have to ignore that group of friends. my old group would hate my newer group of friends... but i mean, when I was with my old group of friends I was smoking, drinking a lot, EVERY weekend, normally more often than just the weekend. none of us had fun like we used to. most of them were getting into hard drugs (which i had no interest in.)

either way. i think my life is going down a better road, as shitty as it may seem, i am confident that there are brighter days ahead.

Capital Writing

after pursuing the same girl during and after high school i have come to the point where i have been bothering her for that long that i am (more or less) sure that she wants nothing to do with me.

her reasonaing for this is because i a "too negative"

my "negativity"is realistic negativity, and no matter how you look at it, it's how i write, read anything i have written, it reaks of realistic observations (or; "negative observations.")

i have liked this girl for four years, but i don't see myself writing fluff for the sake of a few smooches. though, another way of thinking about it, is that i can really buddy up to her, get  into a relationship with her, love her and such, and through the natural coarse of time we'lll break up for one reason or another, i'll be heartbroken, and i'll have a bit of capital writing under my belt. 

either way ill have some shitto go through.  

02-04-09

Dreams

I  just thought about it and i have Moleskine after Molskine notebook filled with dreams i've had.
I used to wake up, get my notebook, and write down whatever dream i had had that night.
though i haven't written down my dreams for a while for whatever reason.
i don't dream as often and i don't remember them as well.
I don't know if this is because of the medication I am on, or because i just don't do it as often,  so my mind is sort of out of practice.

if you don't record your dreams, i would recommend it, it's interesting to go back later and read them, as well as  trying to make sense of it all.

if you want my honest opinion, sure i believe that SOME dreams have relevance, but I would say that most of your dreams are just randomness.
for example: When you are talking to someone in polite conversation, you sensor yourself, in the sense that if you are speaking with the queen of England. you aren't going to blurt out nasty 4-lettered words for no reason(...or most wouldn't)

this is the same for dreaming. in everyday life you probably wouldn't think random thoughts that go nowhere. [now i realize that everyone is random from time to time, but i am talking about the REALLY random thoughts.]
it's self censorship via yourself and realizing that certain thoughts are pointless and get you nowhere.
now, the dreams that people have are [what i think] the mind uncensored. You just think whatever.
and then you end up with wacky dreams.

Vinyl

My vinyl player is acting strange. it is slowing down and speeding up at random points with new sort of indication or anything.
i'm not sure if i should buy a new one or pay for a repair...i'll find out tomorrow when i get off of work.

MOAR

I have to start writing more when I am in the mood to write. otherwise I just end up with a two-sentence synopsis of my day, which just ends up sounding lame.
When I am in the mood to write, i can write about almost anything and just go on and on just  shoot out bull that doesn't sound too bad.
I actually think that is what is happening with the book I am writing; I am attempting to stay away from any bull, so it is going VERY slowly, which I am guessing means that I am a bad writer. but writing is one of the few things that make me very happy when i do it. so whether or not I am any good at it, I will continue writing, I will continue writing this blog and pretend that Someone is reading.

Keck (pt.2)

Today was my first day at Keck USC medical center. It was good.  But it was tiring to say the least. I am more or less a lab tech...in other words I'm a lab bitch. But it's still an interesting experience. And I am excited to go next Thursday.

Queen and Country

Britain is Repossesing the U.S.A.

A Message from John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majest Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronuciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skippping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original nation anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The face that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enoguh to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enoguh to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. WHen we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humor.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roguhly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips, Those things you call French Fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly caled crisps. Real chips are thick cut, friend in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast Enlgish actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twently seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - The South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14.Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquistion of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promply at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen.

Only He can.

John Cleese

Keck

so, the plan was for me to drive to USC Keck Medical Center and i was going to meet up with Dr. ----------- and then they'd show me where to park, where i am working, what i'd be doing and such. but then i got a call saying that there was a clinic going on elsewhere today to my little tour'de'employment would have to wait until tomorrow, which i don't mind about too much, seeing that this morning i was pretty nervous. though i'm not sure if that will be any different tomorrow.
I have taken a few more photo's and reposted in attempt to sell my road bike on craigslist. you can take a look if you'd like.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/bik/3859399920.html

this picture is NOT one of the pictures of my bike. it is actually a picture of a table that i like that i took back in high school.

Sex/Eat

Went to church to go to a class with The Cause with a misleading sign...

After service. We all went out to eat at The Hat.

Stale-mate

I'm not sure if anyone who is reading this can relate. But i believe that I am in a point of my life when i can't really do much proactive. Sure i can work on my book, or work on busy work or this or that or whatever else, but it really makes me wonder if it does anything. if it really changes anything... and then i came to a realization that i've known that (for some reason) seemed new today when i said it.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can make anyone immortal. (the idea, memory, or actual physical self of someone.)           Even Hitler, Henry the 8th, and George Washington will (in time) be forgotten.                                                                                    [I heard from someone that when humans are wiped off the earth by- whatever-- we will leave behind a lot of action figures, toys, blankets, comic books etc... of these comic book heroes. and the person that was telling me his theory said that whoever or whatever finds this treasure trove of human history via comic book heroes,  they'll think that this is how we lived. among Gods that we called Super Heroes and such...                                                                                                                  I personally disagree with this theory, but it's something to think about.]  

I think the best that any of us can do is leave a lasting impression to those that are important to us. because personally, i really don't care about my family who i will not ever meet down 3 generations. nothing personal, but those are people from that time period to live with, not now.

So what do we do? how does the fear of death during day-to-day life not make us start screaming in terror and never stopping? people have their own little tricks and reasons for  day-to-day life.

But mine is to find the people you Love and focus on them and go do you work...as well as  trying to find something in life that YOU find to be worth while. Something in your life that you can complete during your lifetime that you can stand back after the completion of it and smile and thing to yourself "done and DONE! i can die happy now" *actual words may vary.

either way. i am going to try to write in this blog everyday if i can {though we all know that THAT is not going to happen} but I will be writing in this as much as possible.

so if you enjoy writing that goes nowhere. and doesn't really follow any sort of structure...then come along friends, while i take you on a magical adventure through crap town...population: 0    ...Who the hell would want to live in a place called "crap town?!"